Why me ??

Last year as I went through my chemotherapy and radiation sessions, I attended more weddings in the one year than I ever would have in my thin and curly haired glory.

I chose to get my head shaved off primarily because the thought of a person having to see a hundred strands of hair falling on a daily basis did not appeal to me the least bit. So the moment the first few strands starting falling, I quietly dashed off to the salon and 20 minutes later called my husband and son to come get me.

It was a bit shocking for the both of them specially since I had been quite apprehensive about the process to begin with but in the end here’s what my son said to me “Mama, you look nice but don’t let papa do this too…. I love you 10 thousand 5 hundred and 26 mama…”  –  It’s a thing him and I do each time I tell him that i love him the mostest.

A lot of people asked me – What happened? Why are you so normal ? How can you be so calm ?

Well here’s what I told them – I told them that having stage 3 cancer was tough specially for my children but its fine because I know I will be ok. I need to get the right treatment, take the right precautions and I should be sorted.

I also told them that, it took me a few days to come to terms with it even though i knew it from the beginning what the lump in my breast meant. I cried and it did cross my mind that this might mean the end of me which meant what happens to those two notorious monkeys that hang around me all day. 

We were glued to each other by the hip and instead of carrying around the gorgeous Prada my husband had gifted me on my first pregnancy, I had Thing 1 and Thing 2 on my shoulder and wrapped up around me.

Here’s the thing, I still chose to be “HAPPY” and after spending 2 weeks away from the loves of life in a different city getting operated, my biggest breakdown happened the day before I was supposed to fly back when the doctor said he wants me to stay back for a few more days.

I broke in the hospital with humungous tears that it baffled my husband to the core, he did’nt know if i was in pain, whether the doctor had something and whether I had finally reached my wit’s end.

I finally went in with the ugliest face possible and told my panel of doctors ( that’s right, there were 7 of them i think ) that  – ” I’m going home, I cannot be here another day, I want my babies” and that was that.

Every single time i stepped out with my bald head I heard the funniest stories of why I had this bald head – someone I knew thought I did it for style, another person thought there was something wrong with my brain (which is true but I’m not going to admit that to her), my milkman just did’nt like the look and was most distressed with my decision to shave my head off, it was’nt my style he said if i remember correctly.

At the end, I never did question “Why me?” because sometimes, I realized that if i had started to question I would’nt have learned the lessons life was throwing my way.

“I’m not afraid of storms, for I’m learning how to sail my ship” – Louisa May Alcott

3 thoughts on “Why me ??”

  1. Such a inspiring story !! Hats off!! So so happy to how brave you are!! Kudos to you and your family for supporting you all throughout!!

    Liked by 1 person

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